How to Help a Loved One with Depression
"We are not primarily on earth to see through one another, but to see one another through."
Symptoms of Depression
Has your friend, family member, or neighbor seemed blue lately?
Has he or she had some or all of the following symptoms for 2 or more weeks?
Physical symptoms of depression include:
Sleep changes - Your loved one may:
• Have difficulty falling asleep
• Wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to get back to sleep
• Sleep more than usual
Activity changes - Your loved one may:
• Feel tired all of the time
• Feel less energetic than usual
• Feel nervous or may not be able to sit still
Appetite changes - Your loved one may:
• Have lost his or her appetite
• Find that food no longer tastes good
• Experience an increased appetite and weight gain
Emotional symptoms include:
Sad feelings - Your loved one may:
• Feel sad or blue most of the day nearly every day
• Experience feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
Troubled thoughts - Your loved one may:
• Have trouble making decisions
• Wish that he or she was dead
• Think about suicide
• Have problems with attention or concentration
Personality changes - Your loved one may:
• Be irritable
• Have lost motivation
• Lose his or her temper more easily than usual
• Lose interest in things that he or she used to enjoy
If your friend or loved one is experiencing some or all of these changes, he or she may be suffering from depression. You can help him or her by talking about it.
Expert Advice: How to Talk with Someone Who May Be Depressed
Approaching someone who may be depressed can be very helpful. Here are some tips:
1) Let the person know that you can tell that something is wrong. You might say, "You don't seem interested in coming to the senior center to play cards every day like you used to. Is anything wrong?"
2) Encourage your loved one to share his or her feelings. Try saying: "I've noticed lately that you're down. Is there something you'd like to talk about?" or "I'm worried about you. Can I help you by listening to what is bothering you?"
3) Listen carefully.
4) If it becomes clear that there is a problem, gently suggest that the person seek professional help. "Professional help" could be a:
• primary care doctor
• doctor at an outpatient clinic
• counselor at a community health center
• mental health provider (such as a psychologist, psychiatrist, or clinical social worker)
• minister, rabbi, priest, or spiritual advisor
5) Offer to drive your loved one or accompany him or her to the first appointment.
What to Do and What Not to Do if Your Loved One Is Depressed
What to do
Be there.
• Listen. Be patient and don't interrupt.
• Reassure. Phrases like "I love you," "I care about you," and "I am here for you" help.
Be helpful.
• Assist your friend with small tasks that may seem huge to him or her. Mow the lawn. Go to the grocery store. Cook.
• Help your loved one to keep doctor's appointments and to stick to his or her medication plan.
Take care of your own emotions.
• Remind yourself that you are not responsible for your loved one's depression. Draw a clear line between being supportive and being overprotective. You do not want to make your loved one dependent on you.
• Take breaks. Watch a movie or have a cup of tea.
• Find a safe haven for expressing your emotions. Having a loved one with depression can wear you out, frustrate you, and add stress to your life. Take solace in a support group or talk with your own therapist.
• Don't ignore your own needs. Stick to your routine, and remember to do things for yourself as well as for your loved one.
• Give yourself a pat on the back for being strong for a loved one.
What not to do
Don't be your loved one's counselor.
• Don't try to talk him or her out of being depressed. It is not a choice to be depressed.
• Don't say, "I know how you feel." Unless you have been depressed, you don't know how your loved one feels.
Don't make light of the problem.
• Don't offer simple answers. Avoid unhelpful phrases like:
• "Cheer up."
• "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps."
• "Stop feeling sorry for yourself."
• "Lots of people are worse off than you are."
If your loved one talks about suicide, get help right away. Tell his or her therapist or doctor. If your loved one is threatening to commit suicide, bring him or her to the hospital emergency room.
