How to Help Someone Who Has Lost a Loved One
In the first months and weeks after a loss:
Just be there to:
• Listen.
• Hug.
• Take a walk together.
Help with practical tasks:
• Bring dinner or dinners--cook and freeze some single-serving meals.
• Run errands or mail your friend's bills.
• Help out with housework, yard work, shopping, and car repairs--especially the tasks that were done by the deceased.
• Offer to take your friend's pet to the vet or to be groomed.
Be aware of his or her need to be alone and with others:
• If the survivor was part of a couple, continue to invite him or her out to social events as an individual.
• Don't be pushy. Keep in mind that someone who is grieving may want to spend time on his or her own. Look to her for signals that she may need a break from all the condolences and respect her need for privacy.
• Respect your friend's grieving style. One person may want to talk about his feelings with a group of friends, while another may select a single confidante. One person may want to spend a quiet day in the park, while another prefers the distraction of a movie.
In the later months and years after a loss:
• Remember to check on your friend or relative even as time passes and months go by. Many friends and family members must return to the demands of everyday life, but for the person who has lost someone, the death is still ever present. It's difficult when people stop calling, visiting, or sending cards.
• Remember the anniversary date of the loved one's death and do something special--light a candle or bring flowers.
• Holidays, birthdays, and special occasions can be difficult. Check in and extend invitations to a person who might otherwise spend a painful time alone.
• Don't just ask the person closest to the deceased how he or she is doing. Be aware of the feelings of his or her children, friends, and extended family.
