The Stages of Grief
As people mourn loved ones, they experience a range of emotions as they go through the stages of grief. Here's what to expect as you grieve:
You may feel denial. At first you may feel a sense of numbness, disbelief, and shock.
After the feelings of shock wear away, you may feel anger—at yourself, at your loved one, at surviving family members, at nurses or doctors, or at God. These feelings are a normal and a healthy part of the grieving process. You should not feel guilty about any of these angry emotions.
Depression, sadness, or sorrow can be the most difficult phase of the grieving process, because then the full impact of the loss begins to sink in. You may feel hopelessness, intense melancholy, and despair. The extreme pain of grieving will gradually ease as time passes, but you will continue to have "good days" and "bad days." Expect these ups and downs and realize that whether you are "better" or "worse" than you were yesterday, last week, or an hour ago, the healing process is underway.
(From How to Survive the Loss of a Love)
Do not confuse the depression phase of grieving with clinical depression. They are two different experiences:
Depression after a loss, often called reactive depression, is temporary. It typically lasts from several weeks to several months, and then it begins to lift.
In clinical depression, symptoms continue for more than two months and do not improve. This form of depression also may lead to changes in sleeping and eating patterns, thoughts of suicide, and feelings of worthlessness. A person who is clinically depressed may experience a sad mood that does not go away. He or she may have no interest in activities that were once pleasurable.
As you go through the stages of grief, you may also experience guilt. You may wonder, "Why him and not me?" or "What could I have done differently?" Guilt may also result from a sense of relief, especially if your loved one suffered or required constant care. You may feel guilty if you laugh or find yourself having fun again.
In time, you will once again feel pleasure in spending time with friends and family, and you may become involved in new relationships and pursuits. This phase is often called acceptance. During this phase, the memory of the person you lost will truly become a part of you, and you can go forward enriched for having loved him or her.
Expert Tip:
There is no "right" way to grieve. You will move in and out of the stages of grief in no particular order, and the course of grief can take months or even years. Grief is an ongoing process, and you should allow yourself to experience all parts of it.
Grief over the loss of a loved one may never go away, but you will learn how to manage it better in your everyday life.
- Next: The Whole You
